Friday, February 11, 2011

Women's feet are smaller so they can stand closer to the stove.

After a little trip to the mall this afternoon and a quick stroll through Hot Topic, I came back inspired. And I did a little research. His name is Todd Goldman, but I like to think of him as a T-shirt genius. Why? Well, because Todd Goldman is the "brains" behind a line of boy-bashing T-shirts emblazoned with the slogans like these:

"Boys Are Stupid. Throw Rocks at Them!" (The image on the shirt shows a bunch of rocks flying through the air toward a stick-figure boy's head.)

"Lobotomy - How to Train Boys."

"Boys Cheat ... Cut Off Their Feet" (The T-shirt shows a girl holding a bloody butcher knife while the footless boy "stands" in a pool of blood.)

"Boys Are Stupid - Run Them Over."

"Boys Are Smelly ... Kick Them in the Belly!" (The girl in this one, as you might imagine, is doing just what the T-shirt says.)

"Boys Make Good Pets, Everyone Should Own One."

"Stupid Factory - Where Boys Are Made."

I was watching an interview with Goldman and they asked him if he had an obligation to consider the impact of the products on young boys. "No," was his answer. In fact, when people raise objections to his boy-bashing T-shirts, it makes him laugh - all the way to the bank. "I couldn't pay for this press," he said.

You see, it's nothing personal. Just business.

The fact is that we live in a time when it's become okay to belittle not only men, but future men. Never mind that in almost every negative statistical category - from failure in school to suicide - boys today are in worse shape than girls, and the gap is only increasing. Feminism has made it okay for women - and a certain kind of man - to laugh at boys. Oh, but for a male to do the same would be a chauvinistic.

And these days there are all sorts of entrepreneurs out there cashing in on the boy-bashing craze. One of them is a guy named Jim Benton, an artist and children's author who puts his put-downs on all sorts of things you can buy, like stickers and notebooks and air fresheners and clothing and who knows what else. His main character is a happy bunny icon that says things like, "You suck big time," and "Hi, scumbag." But Jim also sells stuff that say, "Boys lie and kind of stink." You wonder if he'd do a line of girl-bashing shirts or stickers or air fresheners that say, "Little Girls Are Bitter And Confused And Grow Up To Be Angry Feminists"? Surely, you jest.

But maybe I'm taking this stuff too seriously. Maybe these T-shirts really are funny. Maybe they're so funny that Benton and Goldman should expand their product lines so they can make even more money. So here are a few suggestions, which I offer to them free of charge:

"Black People Are Stupid."

"Jews Are Smelly. Kick Them In Their Belly."

"Stupid Factory - Where Mexicans Are Made."

"Homos Make Good Pets, Everyone Should Own One."

Hilarious, don't ya think? And besides, it's nothing personal, just business.

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