Monday, April 3, 2017

Hello, stranger.



[A dream I just had, so I'm writing it down:]

The room was red and dim. We were there, laying in an exhausted afterglow. A conversation just happened, though I can't remember far enough to know what was said. But I do remember her forlorn expression and her perfect Bambi eyes asking incredulously why I said that we were going to end. I guess I told her that. I tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed.

"Something I realized a long time ago and then again very recently," I told her. "Everything is temporary; Even permanent things. I've had a dozen women tell me how unshakabley they love me - and could love only me - forever and ever. That they could never have sex with anyone else ever again. And now? They're all married. Kids. Pet dog. All that.

"I'm out of your league. I know I'm out of your league. We'll have fun, make our inside jokes. I'll fuck your brains out and take your body to places you've never been. But one day, I'll be ordering a shot for one and you'll be gone. You'll find some better-looking guy, or one with more money, or who dresses better, and you'll move on. And deep down I won't be able to blame you. Because you're so god damn beautiful and wicked intelligent that I have no idea how you haven't taken the world over already. The only theory that makes sense to me is that you simply have chosen not to yet.

"All of this... This is all temporary. I'm going to fall for you more and more every day, until one day you'll be the 'love of my life'. And that's when you'll leave for a good reason I can't even fathom right now. So understand that every night with you is the very honestly the luckiest night of my life. And tomorrow night I'll feel all the luckier. And the night after that, luckier still. I know better now than to plan on forever. But because of that, I will never, ever take a moment with you for granted.

"I don't know anything about the future other than it's going to happen. I hate that it does because it always changes what's good about now. 

"So," I said, turning towards her, my shoulder pinning the pillow down, revealing the rest of her moonlit face. "I'm just going to appreciate you right now, love. Soak this all in, enjoy these half-drunken, torn-clothes, delirious nights. I'm finally happy again right now. This probably won't last, but I'm happy. And it's because of you. 

"Which is more than I can say for any of the other 7 billion people in this temporary, fucked up world."