Saturday, October 29, 2011


"I'm sorry. But I don't want to be an emperor; that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that.
"We all want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful.

"But we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls – has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

"We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in; machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little: 

"More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

"The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say “Do not despair”.

"The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

"Soldiers – don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you – who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines. You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don’t hate – only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers – don’t fight for slavery, fight for liberty!

"In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written ”....the kingdom of God is within man” – not one man, nor a group of men – but in all men – in you, the people.

"You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let’s use that power – let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfill their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

"Soldiers – in the name of democracy, let us all unite!”

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Apartment drinking water tainted by corpse"

"More than 500 residents in an apartment building in Yungho City, suburban Taipei, were reportedly drinking water from a communal roof-top tank containing a corpse for three days until yesterday.

"The residents had been puzzling over their water having a strange smell. When they checked the tank they found the body of a 27-year-old drug addict identified only as "Kuo" who lived in the building.

Yesterday, television reports said doctors were checking residents and also people involved with a restaurant on the ground floor which had used the polluted water to wash rice, meat and vegetables.

After the body was found yesterday, health workers disinfected the water tank, but residents have shied from drinking the running water, hauling water in buckets from a nearby building instead."
My question is: Would Mufasa still consider this the Circle of Life? 'Cause this still falls under that whole, "...and the antelope eat the grass, and so..." monologue he gave Simba. And if this doesn't fall under that rule, then he's lying. A lyin' Lion. HA! Get it? Because they sound the same.

Anyway. Drinking water in Taipei. Crossing that off my list.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Johnny's Depth


Pop quiz. The people chasing Jack Sparrow in the above picture are:

    A.) Native cannibal islanders who believe Jack is a god.
    B.) About 700 cast members who will also be a pirate and/or plot lines in the next movie.
    C.) Members of the ancient "Scissorhand" samurai tribe.       

Answer: D.) People wanting their $15 and 3 hours of their life back.

Okay, so I watched 'Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest' for the first time since it was in theaters back in 2006. Now don't wanna spoil it for anybody who might not have seen it yet (all two of you) so I'll just tell you this one little thing, just to give you some context.

It's actually a horrible movie.

I went and did the research on how they came up with the structure of the movie, and the best I can tell is, they loaded about four or five different screenplays into a shotgun and just pulled the trigger. And then they just sent somebody, like a PA, to crawl around, pick up random words and piece them together and then handed that to the actors. And then even that script was lost about halfway through shooting, so the director just made up something everyday. It was just like, "Um, and then today... this person shows up and... they're a pirate, too now."

The other thing about this movie is, EVERYBODY WAS A PIRATE. Just, everybody. If you were in the first movie and you weren't a pirate, you're now a pirate in this movie. Everybody gets to be a pirate. It was ridiculous how many pirates there were. Some of them were fish pirates, some of them had always been a pirate, then some of them were half-dead pirates, some of them were full-dead pirates, some of them were just pretending to be pirates...

The only thing to which there were more of than pirates in this movie are plot lines. Everybody gets a plot line in this movie. If you're a dog, you get a plot line. If you're a ship, oh, you definitely get a plot line. All the ships get a good plot line. Um, the ocean gets a plot line. If you're just a single body part, a lot of times you get your own plot line. Like if you're just an eye or a heart or something, you get a whole story. But they don't finish any of them. They think about it... but then they just keep adding more plot lines. Like, literally, the last line of the movie is a new plot line. It's a never-ending story. But with no Luck Dragons.

One other overall note about the movie that I thought was very interesting was that the entire cast - with the exception of Kiera Knightley - were women. And I thought that was a bold choice. All the pirates you could tell were chicks, because of all the heavy feminine eye make up and long-haired wigs. And if you don't know who Kiera Knightley is, she's kind of a slightly more man-ish version of Orlando Bloom.

And the direction... uh, I don't know if there actually was a director? But I'm told a name came up at the credits and it said Gore Verbinski. And I'll tell you this much: it could have used a lot more gore and a lot less "Verbinski" (which i think is Russian for, "bad dialogue").

The big thing they're fighting this time is this Kraken that nobody can beat. A Kraken. Trust me, I have fought a Kraken. It's not that hard, really. If this movie was called 'Samurai of the Caribbean', samurai wouldn't just amble around doing bad Keith Richards impersonations. They'd get the job done. If there's a chest, it doesn't matter if there's a dead man in it, a dead man on it, or if it IS a dead man. They're gonna get the chest and get it back. ' Samurai of the Caribbean' would be a great movie. And by the way, there's this alleged "pirate code"? I don't think it exists because they always go against it. Honest. There's no honor amongst pirates. Johnny Depp actually slams Orlando Blooms face in with a rowing oar. A rowing oar! Who does that?

Actually, come to think of it, that was pretty cool. Ctrl + C on that one.

Here's my advice to you regarding this movie: Save your money. Just, just dress up like a clown, jump into a giant aquarium, and sing the lyrics to "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benetar. Backwards. At least that would make more sense than Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

Wait a minute, there wasn't even a dead man in the movie...