"I don't understand how you can sit here and look at everything she did and tell me she's a good person."
"I didn't say she's a good person, per se. Just that she's just not a bad one."
"She's selfish."
"Sure. Probably. Very. And impulsive. Careless."
"You need to get angry at her! Stop being sad and just be mad. I'm tired of seeing you not eating or sleeping or anything and just nothing all the time. We all want our Neil back. She deserves to just be yelled at and told off."
"I'm not going to do what ev -- Look. Here's what I'm not going to do. And I hope any of my ex's give me the same courtesy: I'm not going to hate her just to make it easier to move on."
"I understand that, but what she did - everything - was seriously fucked up. Remember how we stood outside here last year and you told me how stupid I was being for putting up with my man and constantly making excuses for him? That's what you're doing with her. Right now."
"No. I'm not making excuses for her. I'm defining reasons. Excuses are something you use to get out of shit. I don't condone a lot of what she did. I'm just saying... it wasn't all from a bad, horrible, mean place. I just understand her. You guys aren't privy to the side of her that I saw. She's not a bad person. A stupid girl sometimes, yeah. But not bad. She has a good heart. She just tries so hard to be mean sometimes. I think because she feels she has to be."
"How is that different from what I was saying about my husband?"
"Because you were going back to him."
"...and you wouldn't get back with her?"
"Off the top of my head? ...my body would love to. Of course. But I know I probably can't. I know myself. I have an impossible time trusting, and... You can lie to me, hit me, yell and scream and hide things, insult me, argue, whatever. I can talk it out, connect dots, negotiate, compromise and rationalize with calm and logic forever. But the cardinal sin is cheating. In her words: That's a bell you can't un-ring. I don't think I could go back to that. Put all my eggs in the basket with that one. It's all gone now."
"Because she's an awful person inside! You're defending her, and I can't stand it."
"I'm telling you, everything she did wrong, she feels bad for. Somewhere. I know I do. She'll never say it to me... or admit it... or even show it. But she feels awful about it. When she cried to me apologizing for everything, asking me for another chance and everything... there was make up everywhere and we both sounded awful. She made mistakes. I did, too. But when it comes to feeling regret and wishing we didn't fuck up, we're both genuine. She fucked up, true, but I just... I'm telling you. She's not bad."
"And what if you saw her again?"
"...honestly?"
"Of course."
"I'd probably be paralyzed."
"Like, scared of her?"
"No... no, more like... I dunno. Paralyzed. Unable to speak. Think. Move."
"What do you think she's doing now? This second?"
"Now? Well... if I know her at all... probably doing the whole boot strap thing."
"I don't - I don't know what that means, hun."
"Boot straps. Pull yourself up by them. That whole thing. Probably went back to her parents and ex and just confessed and dropped all the bombs on them and everything - her version, where I'm some bad guy - and hoped for the best. Her parents would never abandon her. They'll help her out, emotionally, whatever. Scold her for a bit. But she's too smart and pretty enough that the world can't refuse her for too long. So she's probably doing some reset button action where she looks back at me like some big mistake. Compartmentalizing the whole thing to trivialize it. Probably doing the whole eating-right-and-working-out-again cliche. And I'd wager she's going to do the, 'I'm single now so let's take advantage of it, I'm a woman hear me roar' thing where she goes out and... does what pretty girls do. ...I really don't want to think about it."
"She doesn't seem like a very humble person."
"Ah, no, she hasn't quite learned that element yet."
"I'm sorry, hun."
"But... for now, the memory of us is probably going into a box in the attic of her mind where she can ignore it for a while."
"No, she can. She has a very strong will to suppress things she doesn't want to deal with. She's fantastic at ignoring stuff during the day. But at night... when she's alone in her bed... or, god forbid, not alone... if her and I are anything alike... I'll pop up in her mind. I know that... It'll always make me sad."
"You're still inside your little box, hun. A little bubble. You can't see it all. She was awful. I really think you can't see what we all see."
"I can. In fact, the fact that I'm not going to just make it black-and-white and say, 'Fuck that whore!' and move on, should show you that I'm analyzing it pretty well. There are a lot of shades of gray and subtleties that I can't explain. 99% of the time it was amazing. She was amazing. We were amazing. It's that 1% that killed it; That you're all aware of."
"That still makes her a bad person, hun. If she did what she did, I don't care if it was once or twice or a hundred times, she did it. She made her choice. She's not a good person."
"I just... don't think she's a bad person. A bad person would be happy or proud of what she did. I guarantee you, wherever she is, somewhere out there, she isn't. A bad person would do it all over again exactly the same. But I bet my life that if you were to rewind time, show her this current reality as only a possible ending, she would avoid it. I don't know how far back she would rewind, but she wouldn't hurt me like this again."
"I think you're probably giving her too much credit."
"I don't think you're giving me enough."
