Touche.

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

"I just... fuck. I just smashed my toe."

"Little toe?"

"Little toe. On the fucking coffee table. God... dammit..."

"You all right?"

"...yeah. Just... fuckin' hurts. Ow."

"Neil. I need to tell you something."

"Ow. What."

"No, this is serious. You need to hear this. It's very important."

"What."

"You don't need that toe."

...

...

"Oh fuck you."

[we laugh]

*********************

"Did we just say, 'Suck on that,' at the same time?"

"Eeeyup."

"Oh no. We're fucked."

"I love you, too."

"There's only one explanation for two people as self-aware, street smart, full of common sense and intellectually ahead of the curve as we are: Love. Stupid, blind, stubborn, prideful, brimming with brand new emotion love."

"Yeah."

"And I'll tell you something that proves it: We fucked each other up so badly, the we - of all people - genuinely turned to religion briefly. That's how hard we hit each other. How much we're connected."

"...I DANCED WITH A CAT!"

"It's easy to give up something when you're satisfied."

When the world hated you;
When you had no friends;
When your family gave you ultimatums;
When your peers turned their back on you;
When you lost everything;
When you had nothing;
When you stumbled half drunk to your ex-boyfriends house at 3am and pounded on the window in his backyard and argued till he called the cops;
When you sat in the church parking lot, crying and alone;

I answered your call. I kept you company. I made you laugh again. I kept you warm in my car. I drove you home. I wished you well.

And for weeks after, your face and number lit up my cellphone at all hours of the day, night and morning. You called every day, just to talk, just to laugh, just to learn, just to ask for help, just to admit how much you missed me, too.

The one person who should hate you more than anyone else...
The one person who should have ignored you...
The one person who should be relishing in your agony out of vengeful spite...
The one person who should have been so angry at you that they never spoke to you again...

And I answered every one of your calls.

But now I know you were just trying to find peace for yourself. Self-vindication. Redemption. You wanted to "feel comfortable again," because it gave you a sense of stability; And you knew - deep down to your core, you knew - that out of everyone on this planet, I would be the one person that would always talk to you, still listen to you.... still allow you that chance.

You're fine now. Stronger. Better. Moving on. Leaving for a new job.

And I am once again disposed of.

And this is, very truly, not your fault at all.

It's mine.

- n.

*******************

"Call me if you need anything."

"I always do."

Babies