Movie posters and why they bug me

A silhouette in front of the ocean

Are you getting the idea of how poignant their movie is? Would another big floating head above the ocean convince you? Get ready for a sappy drama. Someone's going to die, and the director is going to try their hardest to force you to cry. This is... entertainment?

A loner viewed from behind, 

accompanied only by their weapon of choice

The person is always alone, and, if they're wearing a hat, there's a deadly weapon taking a prominent place in the movie and the poster. Intended to imbue the person with mystery and power, it also implies that they may be our defender as we stand behind them and let them do their thing. More likely, though, we're in for a movie with an improbably skilled or lucky hero who isn't governed by the same laws of physics as the rest of us. The poster may end up eliciting more emotion from you than the movie itself. Except for The Dark Knight. That movie was the bomb.

Back to back, viewed from the side

This is the movie poster equivalent of the morning radio show hosted by a coed team of unfunny, bland dolts affectedly laughing at the stale, "safe" jokes they bought off prepburger. This poster is shorthand for, "These two are sassy and incorrigible! Exclamation points! Stay tuned for the credits to hear Natasha Bedingfield's "Feel The Rain On Your Skin"! You like that, right?"

And if you do like that, congratulations. You're the reason we can't have nice things.

The between-the-legs shot

These almost always feature a very young, very skinny, bare-legged girl (who may or may not be in the movie), and there will be a man pictured in between her legs. Subtle.

Don't expect any more creativity from the script than is evidenced by this very old poster cliche. Also, there's almost no chance you'll be seeing that girl naked, so this poster achieves the double whammy of skeeving out half the audience while disappointing the other half.

The eyes have it

Often in the horror genre and always a movie trying to bill itself as more deep and artistic than it really is. Yes, I'm looking at you, Avatar.