The mad rush of it all.

I feel that the worst is still yet to come; that the real temptation which I await for is far beyond, advancing slowly upon me, heralded by delirious cries. And my miserable spirit is crouching for it, silently - a fascination of body and soul, the sharp withering horror of this misfortune.

The heart of prayer was not torn from me; it fell away of itself as ripe fruit falls.

I know this is no unusual trial. No doubt my doctor would say I'm suffering from a nervous strain, that it's very foolish to try to live on only a little bread and water, figuratively speaking. But I don't feel tired. Sometimes I wish I had to struggle against only myself... I think my courage would come back to me then. Occasionally I feel the pain in my chest. But it comes all of a sudden now. It doesn't wait from second to second as it used to...

If I ever yield to the temptation of sharing my pain with anyone, no matter who, my one last link with God will have been severed. And I think then eternal silence would begin for me.

The 5 Types of Girls That Bug The Hell Out Of Me

This goes out to all girls, not any one in particular as either a warning or a plead (so if it seems like I’m talking about you, that just means is that you fit into that particular category). What I’m going to be doing is talking about not only the dumb things girls do, but the dumb things girls do that guys would never do. And yes, I am very aware that there are things dumb guys do that girls never do but that’s not what this is about. Hence the title. Further disclaimer: This is by no means saying that ALL girls are like this. The majority of girls are downright excellent people. This is just a bitter rant. With some generalizations.

That said...

"Stay still. I'm just going to wash my fist off on your face. You love me, right?"

First off, the most frustrating type of girl to watch are the girls that stay with a guy that they obviously should not be with. You know the kind. Everyone and their mother and their mother’s neighbor's cable guy's cousin's barber' pet dog knows that they don’t belong together and that he’s not good enough. Whether it’s because he’s immature, an abusive prick, a liar, has no ambition in life or the age is too wide of a gap (i.e. 17 and 65). And regardless of how many fights and frustrating long nights and yelling matches the girl has with him, she will simply never leave him; Even though it would be for the best. I simply do not get this. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I totally understand the whole, "I love him so I want to try and work this out." That’s fine. But there’s a very important difference between being hopeful and being foolish.

And this is something you almost never see a guy do. If a girl treats him like trash, you can bet that he’ll talk to her, try to work things out, then give her another chance. But if it happens again? We’re outta there. We don’t need that. You don’t hear many stories about a man staying with an abusive wife. We just pack up and leave. Fuck that. Sure it hurts, but we know when to leave a bad situation. However, everyone knows a woman being beaten or in a relationship with a guy she doesn’t want to be with but stays because she feels she has to. LADIES! Wakethefuckup! It’s not like you have no other options out there! There are plenty of better men out there; ones that will fulfill your needs not only physically but emotionally. Stop wasting your time. Stop wasting yourself. Especially when there’s a better choice right in front of your face. Be happier with a better man instead of hanging on to a plane that’s on fire and headed into the ground. Pull the ripcord. You want some extra incentive (you know, besides the options of bettering your entire life and salvaging your future)? Ask any girl who left her abusive or cheating boyfriend if she would ever go back. And when they're done laughing at your face, they'll tell you no and that they've never been happier.

Two big reasons why fidelity isn't a priority.

Two: Da Playahs, Yo ... or, whatever. The heartbreakers. Ah, the virtual flip-side of the previously mentioned uber-loyal. These girls like to lure guys in with their killer looks and sexy words for nothing more than an ego boost. They have the lips, the eyes, the legs, the body and the knowledge to reel in the gullable and naive boys and then eat their hearts alive. Now you may say, "Well, if the guys are stupid enough to fall for it, they deserve it." Oh yeah? Let’s go with that mentality: If a girl wearing a skirt and a tank top gets raped at a party, then does she deserves it? After all, she wore those type of clothes and went to a place with a bunch of drunk guys and got drunk herself, then got raped. She basically slathered herself with meat and then jumped into the lion's den and poledanced in front of them. Doesn’t seem right, does it? Exactly. You don’t prey on another’s weakness for pleasure. Especially if it has to do with matters of the heart. Someone’s soul. That’s the worst kind of pain. Cuts and lacerations can be wrapped and healed, someone’s mind can be drugged and retards can be happy, but...a broken heart can destroy an otherwise perfectly healthy human being. So to these women you play these games, I say grow up or go to hell. We have guys that do that and I used to fight with them all the time. We don’t need girls doing it, too. The internet is perpetuating these kind of actions, tenfold. No one has to go out and meet anyone anymore. You can just send some pictures (doesn’t even have to be you) and then you can flirt like crazy and give out phone numbers and websites, etc. A large portion of Melodramatic.com is simply a huge dating service. No one likes to admit it but, it’s true. Not most of Melo, or even half, but a good slice. And truth be told, it could work. After all, the woman I love is on here. But I’ve never used any of my melos as a Neil-Billboard. But girls are far worse in this aspect that guys are. Don’t believe me? For instance, if you go to FaceTheJury.com, there are 50 girls for every one guy posted there. And if you compare pictures, you don’t see many guys flashing their groin or their ass at the camera. Sure there are some guy with their shirts up showing their 6-pack or maybe their arms, but that’s pretty much it. Usually it’s a guy from the shoulders up in a beanie looking at you or some guy on stage with his band. What are the girls doing? If it’s not some innocent face with serious cleavage showing, then it’s them in a bikini (or less) splashing water on themselves. Or the famous multiple shots of their ass. And don’t get me started on the ones with two hetero girls kissing each other for shock value. You’ll never see two straight guys kissing for a camera. Especially not for a website. These player girls are brutal. They flirt, tease, call and promise things but never deliver. And what happens when they get a guy to cry? "Oh geez. Whatever. I don’t care. He’s being a baby." I hope a guy comes and crushes you. That’s the only way you’ll ever learn.

And the third one. It’s not so bad as it is sad to me. Girls who, for all intensive purposes, are beautiful people both on the inside and out, but they refuse to see it. And I’m not talking about modesty. I’m talking about those 5’7" 120 lbs. model-worthy women who refuse to believe that they are anything except fat or ugly. All they see is the awful in themselves; which isn’t much, but they magnify it in their minds. Many things could attribute to this: Family issues, school torture, past personal trauma, mental disorders, etc. Do you know what being "fat" is? Being fat is 5’5", 210 lbs. That’s fat. That’s overweight. And even then, it still doesn’t mean you’re ugly. Being "ugly" or "beautiful" comes from within. If you’re a mean-ass whore (see: Players) you’re not going to end up with anyone. But if you’re a sweet and caring person, you’re going to be the woman who ends up with a respectful and compassionate man who will love you his life. You’ll never see a guy do this. A guy knows where he stands for the most part. A guy knows if he’s ugly, average or hot. We know who to hang out with and who not to hang out with. We’ll never stand in front of a mirror and wonder: Am I a 2 or an 8? Granted, there are many 2’s out there who go out and act like 8’s. But it’s not as bad as the 8’s who act like they’re 15’s. Cocky assholes. Still, these women who are incredibly stubborn in their own image need to understand that while it may not always be healthy to listen to everyone’s opinions, it’s almost always a good idea to at least listen to your close friends. And your close friends will tell you that you’re a wonderful person who needs to stop the work and binge and start working on your confidence. Friends don’t try to chang eyou: true friend should try to help you. No one makes you feel ugly. Only you do. And you’re human. There’s a big chance you’re wrong about yourself. You don’t have to believe them, especially when you know if anyone calls someone else a bad name it’s only meant to hurt and it’s not based on fact. Ignore them (this is the most important and the hardest to do). Also, stop comparing yourself and your body to other people on TV or in your mind. Be a first rate version of yourself and not a 2nd rate verson of someone else. Eat. Keep it down. Don’t feel guilty. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. At this exact second, there are twenty guys that are thinking of you. You’re a great person. Be it.

Where am I? Four? Four. These are almost worse to watch than the ones that stay with the undeserving boy (#1). These are the girls that move on and leave after the armageddon that was the relationship and then jump...right back into another one. Or, God forbid, a worse guy. An example: This happened with a friend of mine, Michelle. She went out with my friend Jeff Treat. After two years or so, they had both cheated on each other multiple times, had a "foursome" with Jeff’s cousin and his friend Steve and another guy, he took pictures of a girl giving him a blowjob which Michelle found later, she gave Jeff’s cousin head in the backseat while Jeff was driving, Jeff got her pregnant and told her to get an abortion and then he was going to leave her until Gene and I, ah, "confronted" Jeff about it, right after they broke up Gene and Michelle had sex, etc. There was more. It was an absolute disaster. Still, it wasn’t as bad as her next boyfriend. She was single for a while and had fun with guys (as most girls would after leaving a long relationship like that) and then got a boyfriend by the name of Tim. Tim is a drugee and a drug dealer and an alcoholic. On top of that, he’s broke and has no job. He’s been in jail and he loves to start fights. No matter how bad Jeff and Michelle got, Michelle was always a nice, wonderful person. She was always fun to be around. Now...I dunno. She’s lost her sparkle. She’s just...not Michelle anymore. She gets drunk at parties every week, does pot and has done cocaine. She’s like a zombie now. It’s scenarios like this that truly break my heart. The old addage, "Out of the frying pan and into the fire," applies here. Girls, look. If you finally come to your senses, pull your head out of your ass, wake up, open your eyes and leave that boy, just stop and breathe for a second. I know it’s hard and your radar’s tweaked to that Asshole Frequency, but just stop. If the guys you’re still attracted to seem eerily similar to your ex, THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE THE EXACT SAME TYPE OF SPEICES!!! Do not go to them! If you partied a lot, then don’t party for a while. If the ass you left was some goth guy into candles and piercings, hang out in well-lit rooms for a while and stay near magnets. If you met your ex when he was playing football, don’t go dating another jock!!! This is perhaps one of the hardest parts of growing up; learning from your past mistakes. Extracting only the wisdom from your experience and nothing else. My adivce is to simply be alone after a hard break up. This does not mean going out, fucking a different guy every week, not being with a guy and calling it "being alone". That’s called being single and reckless. Some may call it fun. But it’s only fun when the other person only wants a one night stand, and that doesn’t happen to often. And the more you do that, you’ll eventually run headfirst into drama. Don’t argue, you know it happens. Besides, when it’s all over and done with, do you feel better about yourself? No. In the end, no one who’s done that does. So if you finally break away into the fresh air of freedom, stand still and take a look around. You’ve got blue skies, new people and better choices. Take your time. Make friends. And then pick someone who meets the standards you had prior to your last relationship, before you were forced to lower them.

Five: Lesbians. Well, scratch that. They only bug me when they're beautiful. It's kind of like