Thursday, February 24, 2011

Gas Prices

Somewhere, an Arab is smiling.
How come we have cars with global positioning systems, satellite radio and voice-activated web access, but we still power them with the black goop you have to suck out of the ground? Well, I hate to say this, but gas doesn't cost too much; it costs too little. I know, I know. You hear about gas prices over three dollars a gallon and it makes you nearly choke on your five-dollar latte.

We bitch about gas, but adjusted for inflation, it's the same price it was back when the Pope was a Nazi. And that's not the fault of ExxonMobil, either. That's like Kirstie Alley saying her problem is that Arabs control all the fudge. Anyone who's been to Europe knows that the price of gas over there is just a picture of an arm and a leg. And that's because they tax it heavily there and we don't here. How come we Americans accepted that you could do that to cigarettes - overtax them because they were bad - but burning oil into the atmosphere is okay? You can't smoke in a bar, but you can drive through a restaurant? A little smoke from a cigar is intolerable, but a lot from a Hummer is no problem? Of course, the Hummer is made by General Motors, the owner of other gas-guzzling "Fuck You, Earthmobiles" like the Escalade and the Suburban. And they lost a billion dollars in one quarter. Because it suddenly got a lot less sexy to drive one of these fake macho vehicles now that it costs a hundred bucks to fill it up. And nobody's dick is that small.

Plus, has anybody read about the '70s? GM did this before. They got filthy rich selling giant cars that suddenly people didn't want because gas went up. Cut to the Japanese gloating, as they are again. Because they own the patent for the hybrid car. GM could have had a piece of it, but they said it didn't make economic sense. Hey, you just lost a billion dollars in three months. Apparently you don't have any economic sense.

So let me remind everyone of this: The most vulnerable point of the earth is the atmosphere, which acts like a giant mirror, absorbing 95% of the sun's energy. Now, when I heard that, I said, "That sounds kind of important!" And I have no one around me to talk to. If we don't protect the atmosphere, ultraviolet radiation will fry us like ants under a magnifying glass. I know these kind of facts aren't in the Bible but maybe we should think about them.

After all, it could affect Brangelina.

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